GRANDCHILDREN

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of
her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her
lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to
kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again
without thinking about
kissing the toilet paper good-bye....


2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked
me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and
then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"


3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks
and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard
the children
getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw
a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed
with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say
with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"


4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was
like: "We used to skate
outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it
hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild
raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in.
At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you
and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we
alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" He
asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read.."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to
test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would
tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last,
she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out
some of these, yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights
off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.. Still, a few
fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no
use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9 When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised, "mine says I'm 4 to
6. "

10. A second grader
came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma,
guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a
little surprised, tried to keep her cool "That's interesting," she said, "how do
you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i'
and add 'es'."

11 Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a
teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The
teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant
means?" She asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying
a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a
fire truck zoomed past Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a
Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.. "They use him
to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for good
luck." A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she
said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."


13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives
at the airport, and when we want her,
we just go get her. Then, when we're done
having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I
don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!


15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they
blame their dog.