Top 10 Jokes

1) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves." (Think about it!)

 2) Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels." (Groan)

 3) Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works."

 4) Tim Key: "Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..."

 5) Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess." (My personal favourite.)



 6) Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards."

 7) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure." (Groan - you need to know a bit about British music to get this one and the phrase "Prevention is better than a cure", which is something we say that means it is better to stop something bad happening than it is to deal with it after it has happened.)

 8) Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."

 9) Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails." (You need to know a bit about the recent phone hacking scandal in the UK - Google "News of the World phone hacking".)

 10) DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin." (Sick!)

 The worst joke was from Paul Daniels who won a wooden spoon for:-

 He won the dubious honour for his gag: "I said to a fella 'Is there a B&Q in Henley?' He said 'No, there's an H, an E, an N an L and a Y'." (I actually like that one.)